


This was never going to be a dealbreaker

by K17L53



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, Cute, F/F, Fluff, G!P Clarke, Hurt/Comfort, Trans Character, Trans Clarke Griffin, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-02 15:33:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17266805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K17L53/pseuds/K17L53
Summary: Clarke and Lexa have been dating for a month now, but Lexa has been noticing how Clarke doesn't like being intimate. And there is something Clarke hasn't told Lexa yet that she really wants/needs to.orTrans Clarke AU where she comes out to Lexa and there's a little talk about what it's like dating as trans





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> clarke is stealth (trans and passing as female but no one knows) and she's been dating lexa for a while. she's scared because from past experience clarke knows it doesn't usually go well. i'm writing/posting stuff after a long time so my work might be a little off, for the most part though, i'm happy with it.

Fall was Lexa’s favorite; the chilly weather, the leaves covering the sidewalks, the pumpkin spiced lattes. Even the Halloween decorations – she wasn’t the biggest fan of Halloween by a long shot, but the whole atmosphere that came with it was definitely worth the drunk, scantily clad teenagers, and the onslaught of fake spiders from _everywhere_. Not only that though, the best thing about the weather was that it was perfect for cuddling – something Lexa missed out on last year; it was kind of a… _dry spell_ that year. But she had Clarke now though, they had been together for about a month now, which wasn’t long, yes but there was just something about Clarke that made this relationship feel… _different_ than most others.

 

Clarke hasn’t felt this comfortable dating someone as she was with Lexa, she felt safe and comfortable and like she could be herself. Well…it wasn’t like she had _told_ Lexa yet. That was a touchy subject really, made dating hard because most people didn’t…uh, approve. She had met Lexa about two months ago, they had the same gender studies class – Clarke was a little hesitant about even taking the class but she needed another class to make up enough credits and this semester and this seemed like one of the more…interesting options. Gender in general, was a complicated thing to Clarke and a lot of people didn’t agree with her so going for this class was a big deal. But now she was glad she had taken it, the people there were pretty cool – most of them anyways – and their lecturer was amazing. And she got to meet Lexa so that was definitely great.

 

They had gotten along pretty well from the start really, Clarke can’t remember what it was but someone in class had said something really dumb and ignorant and Lexa was the first one to jump at it and shut them down. It had gotten Clarke’s attention and they had been hanging out since the first class really. Clarke wasn’t one to make first moves, mostly because she couldn’t tell if someone was interested in her, and even if they were…its not like that would mean anything once they found out right? But Lexa really was interested and finally decided to ask Clarke out about a month ago.

 

But Clarke knew she had to tell Lexa, she had to if they were going to be together. It was only so long she could go without telling her. Transition-wise, Clarke had been on hormones forever – well since she was 17 – and she had gotten a breast augmentation, but that was about it. And really, Clarke didn’t intend on _lower surgery_ ; as much as she would love to click her fingers and have the _right parts_ , she doesn’t really want to go through with all of _that_ – the risks outweighed the pros. But this is what made dating complicated; being bisexual was cool though, because Clarke knew how both men and women could be towards transgender people. And for the most part, it wasn’t great.

 

Lexa seemed…different though; this was both their junior year in college, but Clarke had just transferred here this September. Lexa was president of their campus’ GSA, and if you looked into the club’s twitter which Lexa ran, you would know that Lexa was very much pro L, G, B, and _T_. Back in high school, Clarke remembers having to stay away from the GSA if she didn’t want to have to fight literally everyone there because well, the B and the T didn’t really exist. So knowing what Lexa was like about this, it made Clarke feel a little more comfortable. But then again, she might be different when it comes to the person she is dating – she was a lesbian, and well, the last lesbian Clarke dated really did end up being…an asshole, for the lack of better words, after she had come out to her.

 

As great as things were going with the two of them, Lexa…wanted to talk to Clarke about something. See, Lexa usually got a lot of _action_ , physically, when it came to relationships. Even, without a relationship really. But there wasn’t really much of that with Clarke, and that was…new for Lexa. It wasn’t that Clarke wasn’t into her like that, because make out sessions got heated, Clarke was _very_ handsy but…if things started escalating beyond that, any more handsy, if Lexa’s hands wandered a little too far, Clarke would pull away. Not that there was anything wrong that of course, if Clarke didn’t want to go any further than that it was absolutely fine but…Lexa wanted to know. Because most times Lexa brought it up, well, asked what was wrong, Clarke brushed it off and pretended that nothing happened.

 

“Lexa can we talk?”

 

It was almost like Clarke could read her mind, speaking the moment Lexa was about to open her mouth. “Yeah, what’s up?” Lexa asked casually, turning her head to look at Clarke who was lying on top of her. It was a quiet night in after a long week, they were cuddled in front of the TV under a blanket with the Sabrina reboot on, getting in the Halloween spirit.

 

“Uhh…” Clarke trailed off, moving to sit up and Lexa followed. “I really should’ve told you this a long time ago…” Her voice was already shaking, it was trembling and Clarke could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

 

Lexa tilted her head slightly in confusion, unsure of what it might be, but a little worried nonetheless. “What’s going on?” she sounded more concerned this time. “Everything okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Clarke nodded before looking away from Lexa. “Well, I mean, I hope so. I hope everything’s okay.”

 

“What are you talking about?” This time Lexa was worried, Clarke was speaking really fast and she just sounded nervous about something.

 

“Okay, I know I’m speaking really really fast right now but it’s just because I need to get it out before I chicken out.” Clarke was looking down at her hands, not daring to look at Lexa because the moment she saw those eyes, Clarke knew she was going to back out. “It’s a big deal and I’m just scared that you’re not going to take it well and get mad at me for not telling you sooner and-”

 

“Clarke, Clarke, stop, slow down.” Lexa stopped her, her hands going on Clarke’s shoulders trying to calm her down. “Whatever it is, I promise its okay.”

 

“You’re going to be mad,” Somehow Clarke had managed to convince herself of that, that Lexa would be upset of the fact that Clarke kept this from her for so long, _lied to her_. “I don’t know how-”

 

“Whatever it is, you can tell me.” Lexa tried to calm her, “I’m not going to be mad, I promise.”

 

“You don’t know that,” Clarke shook her head, still not looking up at Lexa.

 

“Look, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Lexa started. “Or say anything you’re not ready to.” She added, but well, Lexa really wished Clarke would say it because it seemed to be…important and it was kind of worrying her. “But I promise I won’t be mad, you can talk to me about anything.”

 

Clarke took a deep breath this time, mustering the courage to look up at Lexa. “Look, you’ve probably noticed I get weird when we get…physical,” She trailed off slowly. “And I know I never explain it, I kind of just get up and step back.” Lexa only watched her, not saying anything and wanting to give her the time to say what she needed to. “But I owe you an explanation.”

 

“You don’t owe me anything.” Lexa told her with a small smile, trying to reassure her that it was okay. Clarke seemed to be quiet.

 

“Yeah but if we’re going to be together, I need to talk to you and tell you about this.” She seemed calmer now, well, she wasn’t talking as fast but her voice was still shaking. She had to just say it, get it out, tell Lexa, the more she stalled the harder it was going to be. Another deep breath and looked away again, looking down at her hands as she moved them to hold Lexa’s. “I’m trans.”

 

It wasn’t long, no more than a second before Lexa’s lips slowly tugged up into a soft smile. She didn’t say anything, only leaned forward and put her arms around Clarke, “It’s okay,” Lexa told her quietly, her voice small and soft and comforting. “It is, I promise it’s okay.” She noticed Clarke let out a shaky breath, relaxing against her. Lexa didn’t actually know how to react to it in all honesty; she was fine with it, it was absolutely fine with it, Lexa couldn’t really see anything wrong. But at the same time she didn’t know how to react.

 

“Are you sure?” Clarke asked her hesitantly as she pulled away. “This isn’t going to be a problem?”

 

“No, why would it be?” Lexa answered immediately. She gave Clarke a concerned look, she looked upset, almost scared.

 

“Umm…” Clarke hesitated, “Well, I mean…” She hesitantly gestured down to the area between her legs, “It’s…”

 

“Oh!” Lexa nodded in understanding, cutting her off, her voice a little loud and coming out a little staggered. “Oh,”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded knowingly, looking at her for a moment before turning her eyes away. This time her voice dropped, “Still okay?”

 

“Yes,” Lexa answered without missing a beat, “Still okay.”

 

“I mean, I would get it if you weren’t like-”

 

“It’s okay,” Lexa stopped her, she was going to go off on a ramble, her words were fast and scared and nervous and Lexa just wanted her to know that it would be okay.

 

“I have…a penis Lexa.” Clarke clenched her jaws, looking down at her hands. “I don’t know if you realize that but…that can’t be okay for you girlfriend.”

 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Lexa asked her lightly, her head tilting a little in confusion.

 

Clarke lowered her head, refusing to look up at Lexa, that word left a bitter taste in her mouth; she hated saying it, especially in relation to herself. “You’re a lesbian, you like girls.” Her voice was just barely audible, she had been rejected enough times to know how this usually went.

 

“Oh baby no,” Lexa just sighed, her heart broke a little at what Clarke said. “Yes, I am, I like girls. I am as gay as they come, but that’s why I like you.” She told her, bringing up her hand to Clarke’s chin and slowly bringing it up. “ _That_ doesn’t define who you are. Clarke the moment I saw you in class, I just knew I had to go up and talk to you. Maybe, ask you out too because you were the prettiest girl there, and that is what you _are_.”

 

“You’re not mad?” Clarke asked her, almost surprised by her reaction. “You’re not mad that I lied to you for so long?”

 

“You didn’t lie to me.” Lexa replied. “You’re not obligated to tell anyone anything, especially something this person-”

 

“Not anyone no, but my girlfriend…”

 

“Come here,” Lexa muttered, placing her arm around Clarke and pulling her closer. “Just listen okay?” She told her as Clarke relaxed against her, nodding slowly. “It’s okay, it’s all okay.” Lexa started gently. “I know you’re worried, I know you were worried to tell me but Clarke I promise this doesn’t change anything. You’re still Clarke, you’re still my girlfriend, you’re still the girl I’m falling for faster and harder than ever.” She placed a small kiss on the top of Clarke’s head.

 

“There’s just been…enough rejections because of this for me to not get my hopes up.” Clarke finally spoke. “Rejection is actually the nicest word I can find because there’s also been a lot of,” This time she let out a sarcastic laugh, “Accusations because,” Her tone changed to a sarcastic one, “I’m a man in women’s spaces and trying to take advantage of-”

 

“Shh,” Lexa stopped her, “I know, but none of that is true.” Her arms tightened around Clarke, suddenly feeling protective. “Knowing you’re trans doesn’t change anything for me, okay? We’re still okay, this was never going to be a deal breaker.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first time. It's different to what Lexa is...used to. And Clarke is worried that Lexa won't actually be okay with it. But in the end, it's all about communication and talking and making sure everyone is comfortable and having a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is smut. its been forever since i've written smut. there's no way i proofread this. only the ending. but yes, this is sex.

“Wait,” Lexa gasped out, a little breathless as she pulled away from Clarke’s lips. They were in Clarke bed, a small kiss leading to a very steamy make out session that was very clearly escalating. This was probably the first time that had happened since their _talk_ a week ago and now it didn’t seem like Clarke was pulling away. Since then though, Lexa had done some research, she didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing. But from what she read and watched, the common theme was _communicate_ , ask and make sure everything is going okay. That’s why Lexa was the one pulling away right now, her hands were on Clarke’s waist, one of them hovering over the zipper, desperately wanting to undo it. But she wanted to make sure it was okay. “Is this okay?” Lexa asked her.

 

Clarke gave her a small smile, a look in her eyes that Lexa hadn’t seen before. “Yeah, this is okay,” She gave her a nod, wanting to almost say how grateful she was that Lexa was stopping to ask that. “Top first?” Clarke suggested a little quietly, she didn’t want to drop her pants right away. Yes, Lexa did say it wasn’t going to be a problem for her, and that this didn’t change how she felt about Clarke but she knew that that might change when she actually saw _it_.

 

Lexa gave her a quick nod, her hands coming hastily moving up to the hem of Clarke’s shirt before pulling it up over her head. Her breath caught slightly as she caught sight of Clarke, she was beautiful, more than Lexa could’ve imagined. Maybe she had imagined what it would’ve been like, what she must’ve looked like under her clothes. To be fair, it was hard not to, especially when she was alone at night needing a little _release_. “Oh wow,” Lexa couldn’t help but breathe out, her eyes almost stuck on Clarke’s chest as her hands slid down Clarke’s sides before coming to rest on her hips. “You’re so beautiful,” Her voice was just above a whisper, not waiting for Clarke’s reply before her mouth went on her neck.

 

“Hmm,” Clarke let out a small hum of content. “That’s good,” She added, “That feels good.” She could feel Lexa’s mouth on her neck, her teeth grazing it gently as she sucked on the skin.

 

“Yeah?” Lexa asked quietly, her voice low as she started to move lower, she wanted to leave a mark on Clarke. “Can I take it off?” She looked up this time, her hands toying on the hooks of the bra behind Clarke’s back.

 

“Yes.” Clarke nodded, unable to stop herself from grabbing Lexa’s face and bringing it up to kiss her. It was actually very quick, before Clarke even realized the clasp was off, Lexa was pulling it off and tossing it aside on the floor. “Well you’re fast.” Clarke smiled at her, breaking away for air as Lexa’s hands wandered over her back before one tangled into her hair.

 

Lexa let out a small laugh against Clarke’s lips, “I’ve had a bit of practice.” Her lips moved away, kissing the side of Clarke’s lips before moving along her jaws. She found her hands wandering down further, making their way back to the waistband of Clarke’s jeans. She was going to ask if she was okay with it, okay with Lexa taking them off, but before she could, Clarke pulled Lexa down, lowering them both onto the bed with Lexa on top of her.

 

“You’re overdressed,” Clarke said jokingly to Lexa, looking up intensely into her eyes, taken a back by how close Lexa was. “Take it off,” Clarke bit her lower lip, almost commanding her.

 

There was a spark in Clarke’s eyes, one that Lexa hadn’t seen before; a look that made Lexa want to do exactly what she was told. Lexa didn’t have a reply, only moved off of the bed and onto her feet before Clarke could even comprehend what was happening. “All of it?” Lexa asked her raising an eyebrow.

 

Clarke gave her a small nod, a mischievous smile playing on her lips as she watched Lexa undress. She couldn’t help but scan her eyes over her girlfriend’s body. It felt almost a little strange to her, in this moment it didn’t feel weird or wrong to be watching her like that. Clarke was always worried about coming off as predatory or creepy when it was with another girl. But it was different with Lexa; she made her feel comfortable, there was no hesitation in her eyes, almost eager if anything to strip out of her clothes for Clarke. Lexa stood there for a moment, noticing how Clarke was watching her, lustful eyes, a playful smile, almost like she couldn’t wait to throw Lexa onto the bed. Lexa returned the smile with a hand on her hips, cocking an eyebrow for a second because she seemed almost cocky and wanted to show off to Clarke.

 

“Coming back to bed?” Clarke asked her teasingly.

 

Lexa stood there for a second before giving Clarke a small shrug, “Looked like you were enjoying the view.” She told her, this time smiling as she crawled back into bed, practically on top of Clarke.

 

“I was but like…” Clarke trailed it off, “I really wanted to touch you,” Her voice lowered to a whisper, slowing down as well as she raised her face to kiss Lexa. She deepened the kiss, unable to stop herself from placing her hands on Lexa’s butt cheeks, squeezing gently.

 

“Touch all you want.” Lexa smiled into the kiss, this time not deciding to waste anymore time as she let her hands roam freely to explore every inch of Clarke’s skin. Her mouth was trailing down again, moving along Clarke’s jaws and past her neck, onto her boobs and making sure she gave them all the love and attention they deserved before kissing down her stomach. Sure boobs and butts were great, but so were thighs and stomachs – actually, stomachs were Lexa’s favorite thing about girls, any kind, chubby or skinny or muscular, they were all just very kissable.

 

Clarke could feel herself getting harder; Lexa’s breath hot on her body, her hands roaming and exploring her skin, it was difficult not to get aroused. Years back, she hated this feeling, hated how she could feel herself hard, her underwear stretching and getting _full_. But it wasn’t as bad now, and most times she didn’t hate it. So many years on hormone replacement therapy had some amazing effects on her body and this was one of them. She still did get hard, but it wasn’t as much as before, it wasn’t as big either. And she actually liked how it felt now, not when it was getting hard, but she did like how it felt when touched, its response to stimulation was different, felt more like she wanted it to.

 

“Take it off,” Clarke gasped out, she could feel Lexa’s fingers toying with her jeans, wanting more of her.

 

She did as she was told, moving down before undoing the zip of Clarke’s jeans and pulling them down. She looked up at Clarke, checking again to make sure it was okay and that Clarke was still okay with it. Clarke gave her a nod, she wanted to, wanted to with Lexa but she was still a little hesitant. “Take it slow, okay?” She asked Lexa.

 

“Of course,” Lexa gave her a reassuring smile, slowly pulling a pants before placing a small kiss on Clarke’s hip, “We can stop if you want,”

 

“Don’t want to stop,” Clarke replied immediately, “Just…slow,”

 

“Okay,” She agreed, “We _can_ stop whenever you want if you want.” Lexa waited for a nod from Clarke, last bit of reassurance before she slowly pulled her pants down and tossed them aside. She wasn’t quiet sure what she was expecting, well, she was expecting to see _that_ but at the same time it was quite new for her. It did seem awful to admit that Lexa had only been with cis women and this was different and new but not necessarily bad. Clarke still had her panties on, the bulge very apparent which took Lexa by surprise. She paused for a minute, it didn’t put her off, not at all, but it did make her stop for a moment, unsure of what to do.

 

Clarke’s face well as she noticed how Lexa stopped, “Its worse when you see it isn’t it?” She clenched her jaws, ready for Lexa to move away. It was a little disappointing, she tried to not get her hopes up, but she fell for it with Lexa, it seemed like it could be okay this time.

 

“What?” Lexa shook her head immediately. “No, no not at all Clarke.” She stayed where she was, between Clarke’s legs as she looked up at her. “It’s not, I promise,” She reassured her. “There’s nothing bad about it and I’m so sorry for making you think that,” Lexa ran her fingers gently along Clarke’s leg, trying to soothe her. “It’s just different for me, not bad, nothing bad I promise.”

 

“Are you sure?” Clarke asked hesitantly.

 

“Yes,” Lexa smiled at her, “Absolutely.” Her fingers moved higher, running along the waistband of Clarke’s underwear. “It’s just…new that’s all, look I know this sounds awful, but I’ve only been with cis girls…” Lexa trailed off, her thumb coming up to rub over the bulge under Clarke’s panties. “So you’re going to have to help me out a little…”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Clarke liked the tone of Lexa’s voice, quirking an eyebrow. “You want me to tell you what to do?”

 

“Yes,” Lexa hooked her fingers on either sides of the waistband before slowly pulling them down. “Tell me exactly what to do,” She smiled, kissing the inside of Clarke’s thighs as she pulled the panties down. “Let me make you feel good Clarke,” Her voice was low, a husky whisper almost before moving up. Lexa kissed along her hips, moving further inside and towards the shaft. It wasn’t what she expected once she saw it out, but then again it wasn’t as big or even as hard. “What do you like?”

 

Clarke hesitated for a moment, looking at Lexa with a bit of confusion. “I don’t…actually know.” She looked away “I haven’t actually done this before…”

 

Lexa smiled, a soft look in her eyes, “I’m your first?” she asked her quietly, receiving a small nod from Clarke. “Okay, we’ll figure it out. Together.” Lexa paused, her eyes going back down as she tried to figure out how to ask even, “Are you okay with me…touching it…” Lexa wasn’t sure what to call _it_ ; from what she has read, assuming and calling it a penis wasn’t the right thing to do, not everyone liked that.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke breathed out, “Uh…” She started hesitantly. “Look, it doesn’t really… _behave_ like a…” She let out a long deep breath, “Penis,” Clarke almost grimaced physically at having to say the word.

 

“Okay,” Lexa nodded understandingly, her fingers this time brushing against Clarke’s shaft. “How does it behave, what feels good?”

 

“Soft touch,” Lexa was just barely touching her, her fingers were just there but even that was enough for Clarke to want more. “Gentle, okay?” Lexa nodded, running her fingers along Clarke now, holding onto her rather than just brushing against her. “Do what you would do to a clit,” She forced the words out quickly before she could stop herself.

 

A smile broke across Lexa’s face, “I can do that,” She told her, “I think I do pretty good…” She sounded cocky almost, too sure of herself.

 

“Put your mouth where your…mouth is,” Clarke mirrored Lexa’s tone, hearing Lexa speak and see the excitement and eagerness in her voice made it easy for Clarke to relax, easier to actually get in the mood rather than be nervous.

 

Lexa did as Clarke asked, gentle kisses along her length, her lips soft and eager. The kisses deepened before Lexa ran her tongue from the base to the tip before circling it around the head. She could hear Clarke let out a small moan as her body finally relaxed. “Good?” Lexa asked before her mouth went back to work, licking and sucking Clarke’s length. She only groaned in response, wanting to say yes but the word getting lost in her throat. Lexa was enjoying it, enjoying listening to Clarke, making her feel good, watching her almost squirm underneath her. But she could feel herself getting wetter too, the heat between her legs asking for more.

 

“Oh fuck Lexa,” Clarke gasped out, she really was talented with her tongue, that cockiness came from somewhere.

 

Lexa moved her mouth away, a disapproved grunt from Clarke as she moved her mouth higher up along her stomach and replaced her mouth with her hand on Clarke’s shaft. It was wet from her mouth, made it easier to move her hand along her length. “Shh, let’s try something different.” Lexa spoke against her skin, moving up to Clarke’s breasts. “Two,” Lexa started, kissing the skin around her nipple, “Is better,” She continued, her tongue running up her nipple, “Than one,” Lexa smiled against her now, her mouth and tongue working its magic on her nipple while her hands continued doing what it was.

 

“Oh _god_ ,” It felt good, it felt really good with Lexa sucking on her nipple. Two really was better that one. She felt good in that moment, like she could let herself go and just give up completely to Lexa. She trusted her, the way she was treating her, talking to her, making her feel, she was completely at ease. “That’s so good.”

 

Lexa was grinding against the bed almost, she needed more, Clarke has moved her hand and it was gripping her hair as she pleasured her. “I wanna make you come,” Lexa told her, a smile playing on her lips.

 

“Yes,” Clarke breathed out, a little desperate, “I wanna come.” She added, “I need more Lex, faster please.”

 

“Slow is more fun,” Lexa responded teasingly, coming up to kiss her. Clarke could feel her thumb circling at the tip, putting a little more pressure. “Maybe a little harder,” It seemed to be a good change of pace because Clarke grunted against her lips. “Come for me Clarke,” She pressed a little harder with her thumb as it ran down slowly; maybe too slow because she could feel Clarke almost trembling.

 

“Don’t stop, don’t stop,” Clarke couldn’t stop repeating, feeling herself about to come. She could feel it building up, it felt stronger and more intense than ever before. “Lexa!” It was almost a scream, Lexa’s mouth on her nipple, her hand on her shaft. “I’m so close.”

 

“I know,” God there was that cockiness again, it was hot, Clarke couldn’t deny it, it was hot how sure she was of herself. “Come,” Lexa almost ordered, the word hadn’t even left her lips completely before Clarke let out another grunt, her back arching off the bed followed by a long moan. Lexa came up this time, looking down at Clarke as her hands continued to moved, slightly faster now trying to prolong the orgasm. She came over her hand, not nearly as much as Lexa had imagined, it was just a small stream of white liquid spilling over the side of Lexa’s loosely closed fist. Lexa let her ride it out, Clarke almost moving her hips into Lexa’s hand.

 

She waited till Clarke had calmed down, come down slightly before she let go of her shaft. It wasn’t too long though before her mouth was back on it. That was unexpected for Clarke, almost a little too much stimulation but it was the best way to _finish_. “Oh fuck,” She squeezed her eyes shut, “Lexa that was amazing,” Clarke finally spoke, a coherent sentence leaving her mouth as Lexa came up to kiss her.

 

“Was that good?” Lexa asked her softly, a small smile on her face, pleased but not by the fact that Clarke was basically speechless right now, but by the fact that Clarke seemed comfortable.

 

“So good,” Clarke replied, her voice wavering a little, almost sounding like she was going to cry.

 

“Hey,” Lexa brought herself up on her elbow, one hand coming up to push her hair away, “Hey, are you okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded, looking away as she tried to fight back tears, “I’m fine.”

 

“Clarke hey, what’s wrong?” She looked upset, she had turned her face away but Lexa could tell she was crying. “I’m so sorry did I do something wrong?”

 

“No, no, not at all.” Clarke shook her head, wiping her eyes. “God no,” She closed her eyes for a second, “The opposite Lex,” She told her. “Thank you, it was amazing.” Clarke finally said. “I don’t wanna get heavy on you but…”

 

Lexa kissed her forehead, lying down next to her, “Tell me, its okay.”

 

“I was scared, and I didn’t think for a moment I would be able to find someone like you.” Clarke shook her head. “I didn’t think I would like it and I didn’t think anyone could make me feel comfortable the way you did.”

 

“I got you baby,” Lexa nodded, she didn’t know how this would be a big deal. Well, not as big as this anyways. She never could imagine how hard it must’ve been for Clarke.

 

“This was…such a big deal to me.” Clarke sighed, hiding her face in Lexa’s chest. “And you made it so amazing.” She wasn’t expecting to get this emotional but its hard, it had been so hard. Clarke could barely touch herself and the fact that she was comfortable enough with Lexa to let her…that was almost insane to her. She enjoyed it, she liked how Lexa made her feel – she made her feel normal, made her feel like it was exactly how it should be. “Thank you,” Clarke muttered against her.

 

“Don’t cry baby, its okay.” Lexa tried, she moved to pull the comforter over the two of them.

 

Clarke only held onto her, it was almost too much, but in a good way. There were too many emotions and usually she didn’t know how to deal with them – but then again, most times they were bad. “You make me feel normal.” Clarke said to her. “I don’t know how you do it, but you do.”

 

“That’s because you are.” Lexa stated matter-of-factly. “Hey, look at me.” She tried, her voice soft and gentle. “Clarke I’m falling for you.” Lexa told her, “Maybe its too early but I’ve never felt like this before.” She gave her a smile. “Is it crazy if I saw I love you?”

 

“Is it crazy if I saw I love you too?”

 

Lexa let out a small laugh, it was soft and quiet and all she could do was kiss Clarke. “Well, then I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ending was....well it hit close to home. lmao i might still be a virgin but i cried writing that. having a person like lexa who makes you feel normal when literally everyone, including yourself, tells you you're not is...its insane. its the greatest feeling in the world. when someone says they love you and see you for you....anyways imma go cry again.

**Author's Note:**

> y'all i haven't posted anything in 7 months. 7 whole months. so i am really really excited that i finally have something new to post. i will work on my WIPs and complete them soon. i love writing trans characters, lets me get my own stuff out. so i might do a couple more one shots with trans clarke/lexa. anyways, pls let me know what you thought and leave me a comment, i could use all the encouragement i can get to write.


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